Toot Toot
Transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95. 
 Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision. 
 Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision. 
 Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course. 
 Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course. 
 Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP. 
 Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call

A Great Comeback
 
This has got to be the all-time classic comeback. Note: This is an exact replication of National Public Radio(NPR)interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation. 
 
INTERVIEWER: " So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?" 
 
GENERAL REINWALD: 'We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting." 
 
INTERVIEWER: "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?" 
 
GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range." 
 
INTERVIEWER: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?" 
 
GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see how, ....we will be teaching them proper rifle range discipline before they even touch a firearm." 
 
INTERVIEWER: " But you're equipping them to become violent killers." 
 
GENERAL REINWALD: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?" 
 
The radio went silent and the interview ended! 

"You've got a touch of pneumonia," said the medical officer after examining the new enlistee. 
 
"Are you sure, sir?" queried one worried man. "I have known people in civvy street to be told they have pneumonia but then to die of something quite different." 
 
"You are not in civil life, Samson. You're in the Army!" thundered the medical officer. "And if you get treated in the Army for pneumonia, you die of pneumonia." 

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